A woman has sparked an intense debate online after revealing she won’t take on her terminally ill sister’s children when she dies, despite her sister’s pleas.
The 25-year-old woman, who moved away from the UK a number of years ago, recently learned her older sister, 31, had been diagnosed with an untreatable brain tumour, which will significantly shorten her life.
Her sister has three children, a six-year-old, a two-year-old and a newborn, and has begged her younger sister to step in and take care of them when she passes, as they have no other family and she doesn’t know the paternity of her kids.
“Her ex-husband wants nothing to do with the kids since she had cheated on him for years with many men and they aren’t his,” she wrote on Reddit’s AITA forum.
She told her sister no, as she never wanted children
However, the woman has decided she won’t take on her sister’s kids as she and her husband agreed not to have children when they got married.
“It would be unfair to ask my husband to make this kind of sacrifice. We both agreed to no kids when we got married – to change something like that generally means a divorce,” she explained.
Not only that, she and her husband are atheist, while her sister wants her children to be raised in church, which obviously wouldn’t fit in with their lifestyle.
“A six year age gap meant we didn’t really grow up together, and the memories I do have she was always awful to me, like cynical. After she moved out at 18 we haven’t talked once besides at my parents funeral. I don’t even know her, let alone her kids,” the woman added.
“She cried and called me awful but it’s my life, and ultimately I get to be selfish with it. A child isn’t an 18 year commitment; it’s lifelong, and one I have decided not to take. She cheated with multiple different men and lost her husband – I don’t think it’s my job to swoop in and save her from consequences of her own actions. I don’t feel like I owe her anything.”
Despite her pretty clear reasoning, the woman has had a number of people reaching out and telling her she’s making the wrong decision and needs to “step up as a sister.”
“I just feel like she’s trying to use me as her ticket out to dying and not feeling guilty,” she wrote, before asking other Reddit users whether she was in the wrong for declining her sister’s requests.
“You aren’t obligated to take on parenting children for any reason – the rest of the vitriol in this post was pretty unnecessary. That said, regardless of how you feel about your sister, she is a dying mother who is trying to deal with all that that entails and also making sure her children will be cared for,” one Reddit user comment.
“I don’t think that has anything to do with guilt and everything to do with doing what any mother would do in this situation.”
Another added: “If you don’t know these children at all, I don’t see why your sister would want you to be their guardian. How could they possibly be comfortable with you after the loss of their mother?
These so-called friends of hers would be better suited if they have an established relationship with the children.”
What do you think…?
